Letting Go

Letting go, that has been a hard pill to swallow. I like many of you reading this, like to be in control. It is partially why I stick to my daily routine. That is something I can control, my MS not so much; cancer to some degree yes, to some degree no.

My journey so far in essence is really trying to find control over an unfortunate situation. I didn’t like what the doctors were telling me so I am searching for another answer. I don’t believe in giving up the search for other answers but am struggling to look at life from a different perspective. This is not a battle. This is not a war. This is not a fight. This is life. And unfortunately we do not have control over every moment. But there is always opportunity. Sometimes we have to be present enough to know when opportunity exists.

It is a constant battle of emotions for me. I think I am in mourning over what life used to look like. The physical aspect of MS is a more constant presence. Accepting that needing assistance with walking feels closer and closer is challenging. I cannot push my limits anymore. I can only accept what today will allow and hope tomorrow is better.

I do believe in faith. Probably not the way most of the people I know do. I did not grow up in church studying the bible but I believe “God” to be a power in the universe bigger than me. One of the things I am the most grateful for is the time I have to be present. All of you reading this know life can be overwhelming. Rarely do people take the time to just be present, to say no to the everyday “asks” and to truly be grateful for life’s blessings.

I too want to enjoy life as much as possible. I love watching my kids in their activities, traveling, spending time with friends. But I am grateful for my alone time. When I can finally quiet my mind and be present I feel at peace. I am always looking for the next opportunity.

The difference between an opportunity and an obstacle is your attitude. Your faith has to be greater than your fear.