Peace of Mind

Two years ago, on April 6, 2014 they told me my cancer had returned. If you read my story you know the ups and downs of my journey with cancer - waiting for scan results, not knowing if it even was cancer, and wondering if I was making the right decisions. As far as cancer is concerned, I have found something I have been searching for a long time, peace of mind, at least for now. For the last few months it has been a struggle. Just when I wrap my head wround the reality of living with MS I would often think, oh yeah, I have cancer too.

I hate the idea of my mental health being affected by something as mundane as a CT scan but such is reality. My latest scan report stated everything was stable, nothing appeared unchanged. What does that mean? Rich was a little perturbed that it was not specific. Where are the measurements? What it means is I can relax about cancer right now.

As I have reported before they are monitoring some small nodules in my lungs. The largest nodule (14mm) in mt right lung was confirmed to be cancerous, a return of breast cancer. That nodule was removed in December. The other nodules in my left lung have ranged over the last 2 years between 2 and 5mm. There was no change seen between the 2 previous scans.

That is good news. The longer they remain unchanged the more likely the nodules remaining are benign. It is very common to find benign nodules on a CT scan. But whether they are cancerous or not, I do know that what I have been doing is working.

As you can see the small nodules are just that, really small. It would be very difficult to see minor changes

or in some cases see them at all. My goal has never been to cure my cancer or be declared cancer free. Cancer is the uncontrollable growth of abnormal cells. We all have abnormal cells. It's what our body does with them that matters. My goal is to create an environment that does not support the growth of cancer. Ideally to balance the body so it can rid itself of cancer cells. That is what your body is designed to do.

My oncologist said my cancer appears to be slow growing and will have to be monitored long term. He also views my case as unusual. It doesn't follow the normal pattern. Although he doesn't specifically endorse my methods he does not question them either. My methods are unusual and I absolutely do not feel like a normal cancer patient. What a stable scan means for me is faith, peace of mind, and confirmation I am on the right path. It is also one less worry for now.

So now to work on peace of mind for the daily struggles of MS.

I have been taking the MS medicine Copaxone for about a month and no difficulties so far. It is an injection 3 times a week. Just a little tidbit on that and the way drug companies operate when it comes to high dollar drugs. Copaxone costs around $5,000 a month. It has been on the market 20 years. Guess how much I pay? $0. Thats great for me because I have good insurance. The drug company that makes Copaxone also has an entire entity dedicated to customer support that provides tons of free supplies and a program to cover the cost of your drug copay. A nurse came to my house to teach me how to give injections properly and a mentor calls me every few weeks to check up. Both happen to be long term Copaxone users. The company must be making pretty good money to supply that kind of support ;)

My energy level has been better lately but limping is just becoming the norm. Probably

going to try out the cane this weekend as I will be doing a lot of walking. I am trying to get

over the stigma of needing assistance but it is hard. I HATE feeling weak. I HATE that I cannot

jump in and help. I HATE sitting on the sidelines. I needed to get that off my chest. It is going

to take some more time to get used to doing things differently and learning to help in

different ways. But I am grateful for less fatigue and brain fog lately. Although I get

frustrated I am learning to cherish good days, not to push myself, and appreciate time

to rest. Some good times ahead watching my kids do what they love. I cherish the moments

as they are going by fast. Can't wait to watch some baseball tonight and dance this weekend.

Oh and I am trying to fish a little more with my boys.