But you look good...

How are you feeling? You look good.

Thanks. I used to just say fine but now I am a little more honest and just say oh depends on the day. For someone living with chronic illness it is really hard to formulate an answer in a few words.

A little advice for anyone making conversation with someone who has a disease or illness: We know we are ill but that doesn’t mean we have to look bad. When you say, “How are you feeling? You look good.” it infers we are not supposed to look good. You look so pretty. I love that blouse. Hi! It’s good to see you. All good. We want to look pretty just not in spite of our illness.

One of the things I cherish the most is when someone actually asks me about my illness and really listens to the answer. I guess that is why I started a blog. It is hard knowing most people don’t understand you. If you are born with a disability it is part of who you are and people just accept you that way. When an illness or disability strikes someone in the prime of life you have to reinvent yourself. Your whole perception of yourself and everyone else’s perception changes. People do not know how to react to the new you.

I think my situation confuses a lot of people. Does she have cancer? She doesn’t look like a cancer patient. Heck my situation confuses even me and my doctor. I don’t follow any pattern. I’m supposed to have terminal cancer. I don’t see it that way at all. I’m just going to continue to do what is working for me because I don’t want to be a lifetime cancer patient.

She says she has a hard time walking but she looks ok. Well the truth is most of the time I manage. My limp is visible but in public I generally am not required to walk long distances. I could not possibly explain how I feel sometimes.

Usually in public I feel good. It can be a good distraction.

So what is my point? I do not speak for all people with chronic illness but I hope my perspective provides some insight. If you really want to know how I have been feeling or are wondering about something, pull me aside at the appropriate time and ask.

I appreciate the friends who whisper I’ve been praying for you. I appreciate the friends who ask the questions others are afraid to. I appreciate the friends who encourage me to keep writing. And I appreciate the friends who just treat me like a friend.