Acceptance

Update: For the past month I have been struggling with increased fatigue and leg weakness. In the midst of this I had lapriscopic surgery to remove my ovaries and tubes. The surgery was fine and recovery pretty easy but the fatigue and leg weakness remain. I am not sure if this is considered a relapse of MS or just the disease progressing. Since the MS medicine has not had an impact I have decided to stop taking it on a trial basis in the hopes at least my energy will increase. I am not opposed to resuming the medicine but am looking for any possible reason for the worsening symptoms. I also plan to make an appointment soon with an MS specialist in Houston to hopefully get more insight into the state of my disease. I have had several sessions of acupuncture but any positive effects are short lived. I have also starting seeing a chiropractor who works in the alternative world of medicine and has had a lot of success helping people identify areas that may help or hinder their healing. I have seen my family doctor who prescribed an amphetamine based stimulant used for ADHD which can help with the fatigue and depression on some days. On top of that I am working with a therapist who is helping me develop a more refined meditation practice. It has been a busy month LOL. Today has been a good day and I am always grateful for that.

I read an article recently about acceptance and chronic illness (https://chriskresser.com/living-with-chronic-illness-the-power-of-acceptance/) . This article really touched me because as of lately I have come face to face with a fact I have been trying to run from. I am chronically ill. Not a fiber in my being wants to be where I am today with my health but here I am and I have to accept that. I believe it is a mourning process. It is nearly impossible not to be saddened by my current limitations. MS is taking it’s toll right now.

We all have problems that we wish would resolve or improve. When something is a continuing issue that just won’t go away no matter how hard we try it gets frustrating. This passage puts acceptance into perspective.

Acceptance simply means the recognition that the moment is as it is. That’s it. It is not a value judgment. Accepting something is true in this moment doesn’t mean that we endorse it or approve of it. It just means we recognize it is in this particular moment.

Nor does acceptance mean anything about the future. If we accept something is true in this moment, that doesn’t mean we can’t work towards changing it in the future – in the very next moment. Acceptance transcends hope or despair, future or past. It’s simply seeing reality as it is.

For me this means accepting help when I need it like using the wheelchair, taking a new medication, or not running errands that will make me feel worse.

A good lesson for most people is that acceptance doesn’t mean failure. Accepting that life isn’t perfect or today may not be perfect and that imperfection is ok. Success and happiness are not products of perfection. Success comes from hard work, dedication, and persistence even in the face of failure. Happiness comes from appreciating what is important to you in this moment. That is not always an easy task.

This is what $5,000 worth of medicine looks like.

12 syringes delivered monthly in a cooler with ice packs.