Acceptance

Trusting your intuition is not always easy. There is so much information available at our fingertips that our conscious mind can become overwhelmed and override our gut instincts. Even a person of strong faith may have a hard time overlooking the excess chatter and listening from within. I do believe the medical field is largely skewed against intuition. Not intentionally, it is just a bi product of a field that is driven by research and statistics. I certainly have come to appreciate the value of listening to your instincts.

In 2014 when I spent time at Utopia Wellness Center for cancer treatment this was one of the key messages taught to patients. They actually taught methods many of you might find hokey for channeling that intuition. I have used those methods on occasion but upon experimentation have found the conscious mind can always overrule intuition. Learning to listen to your intuition and being mindful is challenging. There is a growing body of research that suggests meditation and mindfulness are very valuable for health and healing. This is why meditation and yoga are some of the first to be used in integrative medicine. The bottom line is we have to listen to what feels right and it is easier to do that if you spend some time everyday quieting your mind through practices like mediation, yoga, or prayer.

One of the areas that can be a struggle for some with intuition is medical care. I am a firm believer in second opinions and being your own advocate. I have certainly switched doctors enough because the relationship did not feel right. I have also told my oncologist no on several occasions to drug or treatment options. Most recently my struggles with MS have left me questioning my instincts. The neurologist I have been seeing seems very knowledgeable but almost insistent I take MS medicine. I have known about the treatments for MS long before I was ever given a diagnosis but I was determined not to use them. I felt there had to be a better way than injecting myself with medicine known for severe side effects. Fear won out in this battle though and I relented to give it a try. I also had a strong feeling I needed to seek out a doctor who specializes in MS because the decision to take medicine did not sit well. I waited 3 months for an appointment all the while determined to stay on the medicine so I would not regret quitting too soon. When I finally did visit with the specialist in Houston it was such a relief. Rich and I both agree this doctor was much more thorough. Yes, in reality I was looking for someone to tell me I did not need the medicine. I do my research believe me and I just did not see anything that justified the medicine was going to help. The research concludes these drugs are beneficial for relapsing types of MS. I don’t know if my disease is relapsing. I know the disease is progressing. I know the medicine makes me feel bad, tired, and irritable. My new doctor in Houston did a follow up MRI which showed no change and no active lesions. More evidence the disease is progressing without relapses and enough for me to finally say enough. No more MS meds. Beyond these meds there really is nothing to change or slow the course of the disease.

It has taken me some time to post this because the past few weeks have been emotionally challenging. I really thought I would be feeling great and at total peace with my decision. My legs continue to weaken faster than I was expecting. I am feeling better in some ways but really struggling with the reality of disability. Did I do the right thing? Should I get back on the drugs? Am I prepared for life needing assistance to get around? I guess I have no choice. It does make me sad and I have shed some tears but ultimately I know I am stronger than my fears. I am trusting my decisions. I continue to have hope and faith that my choices every day will have an impact on MS as they have on cancer, maybe not today or tomorrow but someday. Living in hope is a much better way to live than living in fear.

So my message to you is not to shun all advice from the experts. Doctors and other professionals are supposed to share their expertise and give you the best advice. No one knows yourself or your body better than you though. Listen to yourself, do your homework, ask questions, and do what feels right. Be your own advocate. The best chance you have of healing, happiness, or peace of mind is believing in yourself.

My new ride. I'm using a cane more for daily outings and

preparing for help with longer excursions.

Acceptance is hard but necessary.