Finding Happiness in 2017

Update: The never ending saga of MS sure does make you appreciate the good days. I am currently trying a new medicine which does improve my walking some but has some other side effects. It is always a battle of “is it worth it?” Time will tell but I am hopeful. On good days I am using my cane less often.

It’s another new year, time for resolutions and new goals. I have never been good at goal setting or more importantly following through with goals. Maybe it is because I tend to lose interest in things and want to explore the next “shiny object” that presents itself. ADD? Maybe, or maybe it is because setting goals makes me feel stressed about failing to meet them. Struggling with MS certainly throws an extra challenge into goal setting. It is hard to think about the future when just getting through the day seems to take so much effort.

But, nevertheless, we all should have goals because from the words of Salvador Dali “Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings”. So ultimately I have to focus on what it truly important. And that my friends, I believe is the same for everyone regardless of your place in life right now. What is truly important today, tomorrow, or 20 years from now is happiness. Your goals should reflect what makes you happy. Goals should also be adaptable because what makes you happy today may not be what makes you happy in the future. Big goals such as being successful or healthy may not change, but the process to get there may need to be redefined. Anyone who has experienced a major unexpected life change will understand that concept. No one plans to get divorced, or have a loved one die unexpectedly, or be diagnosed with a life altering disease. When life throws you a curve ball you have to adapt and redefine what makes you happy.

And that is where I find myself. Letting go of what defined me in the past, accepting what will make me happy today, and not worrying about changes that may happen in the future. That is certainly easier said than done. The first step towards achieving any new goals will be to start defining the process which starts with doing what makes me happy today.

I have been forced to look at life from a different perspective. The busy active mom role doesn’t benefit me most days. So instead of making myself exhausted or dizzy by trying to do everything, I must now prioritize and do what is most important and let others take care of the rest. It is getting easier but some days I still fail. The lesson that is hard to accept is that my family, mostly Rich, would rather help than have a tired, irritable wife. When life is unpredictable, which is often for a person with a chronic disease, you have to be flexible. Setting work out goals is depressing for me. I want to be active and have spent my entire adult life preaching how important it is but many days it is not self- serving to spend my limited energy on exercise. If the goal is to exercise 4 days, it is ok if I cannot meet that goal every week.

And goals do not necessarily have to have a concrete timetable. Sometimes it is necessary but not always. What is more important is the process. If the process doesn’t produce the results you are hoping for then it is time to reevaluate the process or the timeframe for accomplishing the goal. When I started working with the holistic consultant to help wit MS I was very motivated and confident I would see results. With her help I had a plan and the tools I needed. I can’t say it did not help at all but after a year I was not getting the results I had hoped for and slowly started to reevaluate the situation. In the end I have changed some things to make life a little easier but still maintain health for the benefit of MS and cancer.

So now when I think of goals I consider my happiness. We like to vacation but an overly active vacation is not ideal. Planning around my circumstances helps make the trip more enjoyable. I hope you take the time to set some goals for yourself. Not goals you think you need to accomplish or are expected to accomplish but goals that make you happy.