Control

My last emotional blog was about my current state of frustration because sometimes you just need to vent. But today I want to talk about taking control. Feeling bad is something that I am struggling to find answers for and I like to be in control. If the doctor doesn't have a good answer, I'm going to find my own or at least keep trying until I'm forced to give up. I'm not afraid to ask a doctor for something I think might help me. Often they let me try but it doesn't always work out in my favor.

Why do most people pursue a diagnosis they don't really want? Because when you have unexplained symptoms, you want an explanation and you want a solution. That makes you feel in control. Why are alternative treatments so popular? When there are no good answers we look for an alternative. The diets, the therapies, the regimens we put ourselves through allow us some control. When a loved one gets a diagnosis, we feel helpless. So when something pops up that says it's the latest and greatest therapy, we send it to them. It makes us feel like we're helping. Sitting around waiting for the next doctor visit or scan without actively doing something is very hard for someone who likes to be in control.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was apparent that the treatment options would all but guarantee I would survive. I felt in control. Chemo, radiation, and two surgeries were not easy, but there was always an end in sight. After recovering from collarbone surgery, I had some concerns and pushed the doctor to order a CT scan. That's how they found the nodule in my lung which led to the diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer. That's not what I was looking for but had I not pushed for that CT scan, the cancer would have continued to grow, and I might not be here right now. I have had to endure more pain and suffering and I can tolerate a hell of a lot, but the unknown is scarier than all of it. I faced an uncertain future so I took control again. I spent 7 weeks at an alternative clinic in Florida, changed my diet a few times, and eventually removed the nodule. Just sitting around waiting to see what would happen was not an option.

And when that issue was finally under control, I was forced to face the next challenge, MS. I started the cycle of research again and started working with a naturopath out of California. I tweaked my diet, took a buttload of supplements, and did a few unconventional therapies. My body continued to decline so we took 3 trips to Panama for stem cells.  I truly thought I would find a road to healing. Or at the very least I would be able to control my symptoms and control the progression. I spent years preaching about healthy lifestyles. Of course, I thought I would manage better than most. But MS is like a snowflake and no one case is like another.  The fact that my body didn't respond to all my efforts is a hard pill to swallow. It’s been rough lately but I’m still trying. I still have an exercise band by my chair and I still make healthy recipes. I'm still searching for answers. I haven't always made the best decisions but taking control keeps me from giving up.

But enough about me. I always say doctors only know what they have learned or experienced. There is so much that is still unknown about so many health conditions.

We can't always control or prevent that unexpected health problem or diagnosis but we can control how we respond.

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https://sproba.wixsite.com/strongerthanmyfears