Behind the smile

I've had several people ask me why I stopped blogging and encourage me to start again. It's nice to know people appreciate my writing. As I sit and contemplate why I stopped sharing, many things stand out. I didn't feel inspired. Life was getting harder. My mom. I didn't want to write about my problems anymore. There's a delicate line that's easy to cross between empathy and pity.

The first few years of facing disability, I tried to maintain hope and perseverance and I wrote about it. Despite my best efforts, my body didn't respond. The progression of disability did not slow down. Living a life of illness and disability has become my daily battle. So for now, I'm going to journal the daily battle and share it. The truth is I have journaled from time to time. I have a lot of articles that I might share when I don't feel like writing. I keep saying I want to get an editor and sit down and write a book and put it all together. If I keep saying it out loud, maybe it will happen.

If there's a point to any of this, maybe it's just a simple message to be grateful, count your blessings, enjoy life and your experiences a little bit more. And don't forget those of us cheering you on from the sidelines.

In the face of illness, most of us still manage a smile, even on days we feel defeated. I find myself, sometimes in the darkest moments, being grateful that life has given me so much and for the things and people that make life easier, especially Rich. If I am going to do this it's going to be a real and honest look at what's really happening behind the smile.

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P.S. I don't plan on sharing much of this with my mom. She loves me dearly but I don't think she needs a constant reminder of my struggles.